Friday, March 25, 2016

The Monster Father

I did it.

I exploded.

It was a major explosion. I don't remember shouting so loud for a long, long time. Maybe it's the hardest I ever bellowed.

To a point, my heart told me to stop. Not the emotional kind of telling me to stop, but the physical kind, warning me that if I didn't stop, it will.

It was my son. Over much about nothing. It was during a time when he was sleepy and cranky, a wrong time to test his boundaries.

He asked for an orange and demanded me to feed him while his hands hung loose beside him. I was waiting for him to say the right things and make it more acceptable for me to feed him on request, but after a long while of asking in different ways, by me and then my wife, the requests became demands, then screaming for me to stop and whacking me in angst.

I will spare you more heart-wrenching details.

Then, the explosion, and Noah was stunned into silence.

The effort required for him to blurt out the words, "I am sorry, I will stop!" It nearly took a cardiac arrest.

Noah, if you get to read this, Daddy is sorry.

Daddy became a monster, and I hope I never need to become one again.

Nonetheless, I want you to remember that night.

Because, I am your friend, the person who spends almost every minute of your off-school hours with you. I am your guardian, your chef, your shower buddy, your biggest fan, your teacher, your playmate, your bolster at night.

I am the only man who loved you before you were born till forevermore.

Picture credit: One Eye Click

But first and foremost, and I want you never to forget.

I am your father.


  1. dear Eddie,

    I feel you !

    I did that to my barely 20 months old girl .. on an occasion whereby she refused to sleep even after i played with her for hours, it was already 12.30am. I was exhausted after long day office work and trying my best to keep her company straight after my simple dinner and shower. I was hardly to have energy to play with her after midnight .. yet she was cranky, even want to go out for a walk !

    She is too young to understand perhaps but I would want to apologise to my girl too .. for being shouting at her and she got a huge frightening by my loud voice in anger tone.

    I will just have to learn to be more patience. Same goes to you Eddie.



    1. Thanks Jess for sharing your problems too.

      I understand I am not alone, I also understand that some days are worse than others, but while we try our best to understand them, I hope along the way I can bring them up in such a way that there is a basic form of respect towards their father, especially from a young age.

      Let's all grow wiser along the journey and make better decisions.



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