3 December 2014
It's past noon.
I waved goodbye to my colleagues and left for home in a hurry, even though some documents I had been asking for would be complete in a few minutes' time. It's Noah's first ever parent-teacher meeting. We should not be late.
We were back home and I was preparing myself to leave the house to run some errands at the banks nearby. Ellie needed to be fed, and Noah, without his nap (becoming a norm this past week), started his cranky behavior, so, the errands had to wait again. The best part of the next hour was spent at his disposal, navigating a phonics DVD he wanted to watch.
Messages, emails (and a couple of calls) were piling in, from different countries no less, all knocking me for immediate replies. Reasonable. It was still within working hours and I would have expected no less from them.
Noah then threw a tantrum because he wanted Mummy to throw his chocolate wrapper for him and not me.
Why my dear boy? Why because of this? Why now?
Daddy needs to fully take care of 2 companies in a foreign country. Do you not know that it is already a small miracle that Daddy can be navigating your phonics DVD for you at home at this hour?
Ok, you are not even 3, I cannot expect you to understand all this. I really hope one day you will.
I think of my wife, feeding Ellie in the room. She has spent all her days and hours making sure the kids are well taken care of. And I am here in the living room, powerless in preventing hell from breaking loose.
And then there's my mum, visiting for 2 weeks only, but tirelessly going to the market and cooking everyday for us to make things easier. I can't even, as a son, give her a break and bring her out for a good day of shopping and relaxation.
Why is it, that the more I try to become a better husband, father, son, boss, colleague, employee and friend, the more I suck at everything?
Instead, I have become:
A careless husband.
An angry father,
An invisible son.
A part-time boss.
An undependable colleague.
A skiving employee.
And a friend who's always not available.
I am not finding the balance well. No, not at all.
Luckily, my family, employers, colleagues and friends still love me and support me while I find my way.
Anyway, it's the King's 87th Birthday today, may all Dads reading this have a wonderful day with your family.
Happy Father's Day.