Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Noah's Book of Jokes Volume 2 (with special guest appearance by Ellie)

Sudden Death

Was talking to Noah about what he should do if I pass away.
"Daddy, before you die, can you call Li Kunqi yiyi to come first"
Eh son, please la. If I manage to die slowly, of course I will settle everything swee swee (nicely) for you before I go and see God right.
But I might go suddenly ma. God might summon me suddenly.
Suddenly, I realise I hope the teacher quickly teaches him the meaning of the word suddenly. In a better way than how I can teach him.

Defining torture

Is when you need to pee badly.
But your son says he needs to too, and you bring him to the cubicle to see and hear him pee before you.

What you doing Daddy? feat. little sister Ellie

Ellie pooped not once but twice tonight after I came home from work.
During the second poop clearing session in the shower, I was using my soapy hands to wipe her butt clean when she turned over to me, looked at me in my eyes before saying in her most serious tone.
"Daddy, what you doing?"
"Err... Poopoo 臭臭bye bye Ellie...."
She then smiled and turned away to continue playing with the stickers on the wall.

The Parenting Life Hack

Yesterday after dinner, Noah started to carefully remove the plates and bowls from the dining table and passed to me to put in the sink. I was so pleasantly surprised and asked him who taught him.
"You lor," he said.
"But I didn't."
"I see you clear the table everyday what."
OK, so this is a parenting life hack, don't teach them, show them.
But in case you find your kids wearing their boxer shorts around the house and farting all over the place, remember, no one taught them.

The Best Picture Ever

Noah, "this is the best picture ever"

Me,"but how come it is not complete?"
"No no, it's like that it's like that. I am very tired already it's finished already."
"OK. I will take a picture of it and put it on Facebook."
"No. You need to put it on the wall."

Too many cooking videos

Me: I am so tired I bring you home still gotta rush dinner out for you. I didn't get to rest.
Noah: If tomorrow I ask you to cook dinner again you need to do something.
Me: What.
Noah: Rest. Rest for 6 minutes.
So he treats me like a piece of seared steak.

The moment that convinced me that this is all worth it

Noah just told me before he slept:
Daddy. You are the nice Daddy that God made for me.


Also see, the even more hilarious Noah's Book of Jokes Volume 1.

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