Pat Daddy's back a few more times ok?

Here's my belated response to Winston Tay(The Blogfather of Singapore)'s post on What are Fathers Good for? He has another very powerful post on the increasingly unfair social perception of us fathers these days, which is what I had wanted to blog about for a long while now, but can't find the right words or approach to tackle this sensitive issue. I guess he has made it easy for me to write a response to his article and not rack my brains to write one on my own, so thank you Mr Blogfather!

Take nothing away from mothers. I am more than willing to shy away from the spotlight and let them have all the credit. Just take a look at cute little Noah, it was Li Li who went through the 9 long months of pregnancy (which involved an unbelievably torturous first trimester and an equally draining C-section at the end), and till now, almost 10 months of 24-hour care to get him to where he is now. In terms of direct contribution to Noah's well-being, I guess I can't hold a candle, but at the end of the day, I feel that there are more and more daddies (like me, hopefully), who are overturning previous stereotypes and doing our best to contribute to the family.

The non-stereotype Dad?

Personally, I have had numerous conversations with people marveling at the good job my wife has done taking care of Noah without any relatives to support her in Bangkok, which naturally leaves me brimming with pride. However, too many of these correspondences have included lines like, "What do you know? You only go out to work and go back home in the evening to play with the child while your wife has done all the hard work." or "You need to help your wife more, she is busy and completely occupied the moment Noah wakes up."

Erh, hello, do you think I don't know or do you think I am a "stereotype Dad", who washes his hands off anything associated with my son and has never changed a diaper or done a household chore in my life? I cry with my son when he has constipation ok?

To be honest, there are more than a few things that I am not good at, and here are a some of them:

1. I always forget to turn off the lights after I use the toilet, no matter how frequently I remind myself and others to do so.
2. I don't do a good chinese stirfry of green leafy vegetables, neither can I ever master the technique of preventing fine vermicelli from sticking to the bottom of the pan when I char bee hoon.
3. I fall asleep too early and wake up too late.
4. I procrastinate too much. A promise of a clean toilet tomorrow would probably end up dirty for the next week.
5. My shirts stay relatively crumpled even after I iron them.
6. I can clean up the house, but some corners and hard-to-reach areas will surely be left out accidentally.
7. I get irritated when the music is turned on but I can hardly hear it, and even more disturbed when a good song is interrupted halfway.
8. I come back home from work completely mentally fatigued a wee bit too often.

Fortunately, I redeem myself with a few positive traits:

1. Aside of clipping nails and (due to my obvious physical constraints) breastfeeding, I do everything associated with Noah Yii. You name it, I do it.
2. I cook relatively well. In addition to that, I love cooking, which results in me happily cooking for the adults at home 80% if the time, frequently 3 meals a day, regardless of whether I get to eat the meals myself or not.
3. I am the Yii family's social butterfly. I plan and execute most of the family's social networking and family leisure activities.
4. My favourite TV programmes are either travel, music, comedy, food or sports-related. There is absolutely no way to be healthier than that.
5. I have a pretty decent singing voice, which means "London Bridge is Falling Down", "Mary had a Little Lamb" and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" will be accurately taught to Noah, who will hopefully sing them properly in the future.
6. I do all the "marketing" at home, aka buy groceries and everything else. I return home so many times with hands fully hung with heavy plastic bags that the aunties camping at my lobby now call me "Phor Baan" (Father House), whatever that means.

Last but definitely not least, I am a loving husband and dedicated father. They are the sole reason why I still push myself to work harder everyday.

I understand that no matter how much we do, we will never be able to replace the mother's importance in the family, neither are we eager to steal their limelight, but perhaps, just perhaps, we deserve a few more pats on our backs than most people think we do.

Noah has taught me what real perfection is all about

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matthew 19:14)

Having been a Christian since childhood, I have read/heard about the above bible verse numerous times, without actually understanding what it meant. I know that every child is a gift from God, carefully crafted by His amazing hands according to His own image, so every child has to be good right? 

Before becoming a father, I could not really grasp this concept. I did not have a younger sibling, so had no experience with babies. The children I knew were either around the same age as me or were my brother's friends (much older), and by the time I remembered anything, we were squabbling, fighting and talking bad about each other already (haha!), so it was impossible for me to believe that every child deserves to go to Heaven. In fact I could have secretly wished some of them went the other way instead *snigger*!

However, age and fatherhood has completely changed my perception of this verse. Perfection is, to me, no longer equivalent to getting full marks in exams or earning a certain gazillion dollars a month. It's more about the heart and soul of the person than how well he reacts to this superficial world where we are measured by invisible scales created by what we know as 'society'.

Noah sporting his flawless complexion

External perfection is temporary, but everyone, especially ladies (and more and more so, men like myself) are obsessed with looking young and beautiful for as long as possible. I only have to turn and look at Noah playing with his toy on the bed to understand the ultimate aim of the glut of costly cosmetic and skincare products/procedures in the market. 

Babies have flawless skin, shimmering bright eyes, fresh breath all day and look vibrant the moment they wake up in the morning. Most of us are actually trying our best to look like one all over again without even realizing it!

More importantly, babies are completely pure and blemish-free on the inside. They are born with nothing. They do not possess graduation certificates, careers, material belongings, fame nor fortune. They cry for food/when in distress, sleep when tired, laugh when happy, enjoys feeling loved and want absolutely nothing more. Maybe this is the definition of perfection, the kind of perfection that God would love to welcome into his dwelling up there, the kind of perfection that I can only understand after holding a tiny baby in my arms.

Happy and satisfied Noah

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

Indeed, this world is full of negative influences, especially with the rapid advancement of social media and ease of access to the internet. Our children are like blank white pieces of paper that will inevitably be written on incessantly throughout their lives. Sometimes, I feel that we are all born perfect, only to degrade at different rates (mentally and of course physically) until we finally die. 

As parents, we have been blessed with the privilege to make a positive impact to our children's lives, to steer them in the right path as they embark on their adventures, and to become their dock of support when they need rest. 

Our children's initial perfection will not last, but let's maximize this privilege we have and bring them up to become blessings and joy to everyone around them.

Is screen-exposure good for your baby? The Stranger in Bangkok gives his take.

Does anyone ever think of what goes on in babies' minds when they look at images on screens, be it movie screens, TV screens, computer screens, iPad screens or smartphone (which are amazingly getting too big for my huge palms to hold properly) screens?

This is actually a topic that has been (and is still being) fiercely debated and there are many schools of thought, including an increasing number of parents who apply the drastic measure of eliminating televisions completely from their homes (bravo! *clap clap, I would never be able to let go of watching my favourite Spurs play every weekend), some parents/guardians allowing babies to be glued to the screen for hours so that they have time to themselves, and some who are in between, limiting their children to "educational" programs and smartphone apps.

I am a believer of play, by that, I mean real play (not video games!) - babies touching real things, interacting with real humans, being able to experiment, imagine and finally discover for themselves how things work. That said, I am not about to start another debate on this over-discussed topic, as every conscientious couple would definitely have worked out a mutually-acceptable way to bring up their kids, including the amount of screen exposure their children will have.

Noah has been away from me for more than 2 weeks now, and there's another good 2 weeks before he returns to Bangkok. The only way he sees me now is via our frequent Skype chats, which means viewing me through a computer screen. As happy as I am to see how he looks like real-time, it does get quite disheartening when he doesn't smile at me, or doesn't respond to me calling out his name, or looks more interested in a piece of paper than to look at the screen (me).

Assuming he can recognize me, what is he thinking looking at me on the screen?

Hello Noah, do you miss Daddy, Daddy misses you a lot you know?

Why is Daddy on the screen, and not here beside me to hug and hold me?

Has Daddy become part of the 夜市人生 that I watch with great-grandma every weekend?

Is Daddy talking to me, or is this like a cartoon playing on TV, that I do not need to respond to?

Is Daddy calling me now, or is this pre-recorded?

What the h*** is going on? Can you just let me play with my toy?

Noah is just a baby. I don't expect him to understand how much I miss him, or that the person onscreen is his Daddy speaking to him real-time, but if he cannot learn much or obtain comfort looking at his loving Daddy talking to him from the screen, I have my huge reservations over the effectiveness of the so-called 'educational' TV programs and smartphone apps.

I also know that no matter how often we "meet" in this manner or how engaging I try to become during our "chats", it will NEVER  be better than 1 minute of holding him in my arms and giving him a big smooch on his cheek.

I can't wait till that day comes again.

The Stranger in Bangkok's ruthless rant on Thailand's Annual Vegetarian Festival

It's been a while since I blogged about interesting happenings in Thailand (which is supposed to be the heart and soul of this blog) especially after I got my hands full with little Noah in the house. I do not know whether this post will step on some toes, but after a quite memorable week (food-wise) in Bangkok since I came back from Singapore, I shall give my ignorant rant on Thailand's annual Vegetarian Festival, aka Tesagan Kin Je.

Food stalls selling vegetarian food will attract attention using these triangular yellow flags

Thailand has given me no shortage of food surprises from the day I set foot, mostly pleasant, but others a little peculiar. While I marvel at the locals' brilliant art of layering every other dish skilfully with at least 4 different tastes (usually sweet, sour, salty and spicy), some habits still take some getting used to, like how pizzas are drenched with ketchup before eating with rice (Thais can eat anything with rice, 3 meals a day), the unforgiving stench of Plaa Raa (a potent fermented fish sauce) which many beautiful ladies surprisingly adore, labeling of perfectly-crafted Chinese dishes as absolutely tasteless, and the saturation of nicely-seasoned savoury soup with additional spoonfulS of sugar to name a few. This Vegetarian Festival is unforgettable as well, not for many right reasons I am afraid, but again, this is only my opinion.

Tesagan Kin Je is a festival with deeply religious origins (not elaborated here as it's not the point of this post), taking place annually from the 1st to 9th days on the 9th month of the Lunar Calendar.  Aside of many staunch Buddhists applying grievous hurt to their own bodies by piercing ridiculous sharp objects through unimaginable parts of their faces, it also involves eating vegetarian food (no meat, poultry, seafood, eggs, dairy products and even aromatic vegetables like onions, garlic and chives), which I believe is supposed to cleanse the minds and souls of practitioners.

However, having scrutinized and tasted the food available for the past week, I beg to differ. On the surface, the spread of Vegetarian Food on display under the many little yellow flags seems incredible given the cooks' limitations, with variety ranging from Vegan Kway Chup (pork innard soup), Vegan Fish Maw Soup (complete with mock salted egg with a glowingly artificial orange yolk), Vegan (Mock) Meat, Vegan Khao Soi (chicken/beef curry noodle soup from Northern Thailand) and a huge range of deep-fried Vegan items etc..... you get the idea, but how on earth are you supposed to achieve an elite level of cleansing and health by stuffing yourself with mock non-vegan (many exceedingly oily) stuff?

Mock meat (or whatever) is either made from gluten or soy beans, which is then of course highly processed in factories and artificially seasoned to achieve certain tastes and texture. Can you even try to compare the nutritional value of this highly processed food with say, a piece of raw chicken you buy from the market, which is made of nothing other than chicken (with possibly a cocktail of antibiotics and growth hormones nevertheless, but you could go free-range/organic)?

In my view, real vegetarian food should be a enjoyment of real fresh vegetables, fruit and lightly processed foods like tofu. I have greatly increased my vegetable intake over the years and do not completely rule out becoming some sort of a vegetarian myself in time to come, more so now that there's someone in my house appearing to genuinely enjoy healthy vegan cuisine when served.

That's how you enjoy REAL vegetarian food

It's not that there were no places for me to satisfy my perverted carnivorous cravings during the past week, but it sure did not help when my favourite Kway Chup and Khao Gaeng (equivalent to economic rice in Singapore) stalls served up comparatively-uninspiring and unhealthy vegetarian versions of their usual fare. Let's just say that I am glad the festival is finally over.

Despite all I have shared above, I have to reassure everyone that the Vegetarian Festival is not all that bad. This post could be just an unreasonable complain letter from a lonely family-deprived man sore at being also deprived of his meat. Aside of Loy Krathong, Songkran and the King's Birthday, this could be the most unique festival happening every year in the Land of Smiles, and I recommend you to come experience it for yourself, particularly if you are a vegan.

The Stranger in Bangkok feels lonely on the eve of Chulalongkorn Day

It's been exactly a week since I've been back to Bangkok. And man.... have I felt lonely. Tomorrow is Chulalongkorn Day and Bangkok is half-empty, as many Thais who work in Bangkok have taken Monday off to complete their mega-weekend. I might be the only living thing in Thailand wishing it to be a working day tomorrow. Sitting alone on my gigantic bed on an eve-of-public-holiday after a mentally-torturing day at work simply reminds me of how I miss my babies - Li Li and Noah.

你们在哪里？

On one hand, I am happy they can finally be back in Singapore after Noah's long-drawn passport saga, to spend quality time with Noah's maternal relatives and be hugged and loved by them, but on the other hand, I would die to have them right beside me now, with Li Li perhaps nudging me to read Noah his bedtime story and Noah prowling on me giggling over nothing.

I used to spend nearly 50% of my time travelling around the world, leaving footprints on all continents multiple times. I wore my best suit, training doctors in hospitals and attending countless international trade fairs, this month in Buenos Aires, the next in Abu Dhabi. Before I could re-adjust to Singapore's timezone when I eventually got back, I would be urgently deployed to South Africa to apologise for the company over a project-gone-wrong. It took me four years before I realized that enough was enough, that I wasn't looking forward to messing up with my body clock anymore, that I needed to settle down and spend quantity time (quality time is a myth created by busy people) with myself and my loved ones.

Running a company in Thailand has fortunately, allowed me to settle down in one country (though it's a big one and I am required to make short trips domestically once in a while) and spend ample time with my family, and I have never been happier. They are the reason I work so hard, and the reason I can look forward to going home at the end of a tough day. Life can all of a sudden, become so stable, simple and satisfying.

Noah is nearly 9 months old now. He's growing FAST. In a short space of time, he has learnt to accept solids, then sit on the baby chair to eat properly. He has learnt to spin on his tummy, then drag himself forwards, then now learn to pull himself unaided onto a standing position. I cannot imagine how much more he would have grown over this month that I will not be with him. It really bothers me that I cannot be there every step of the way, experiencing all his firsts.

What if Noah comes back with teeth?

What if Noah comes back with a full head of black hair?

What if Noah comes back already knowing how to speak his first meaningful words?

What if Noah has already forgotten about me?

Noah happily accepting my feeding.

It's ok man, even if it takes me 200 kisses, 400 hugs, 600 cuddles, countless changes of your soiled diaper and endless feeding of your favourite pumpkin mash, Daddy will win your heart back.

I did it before, I will do it again.

Survival tips in a foreign land part 4: 入乡随俗 aka "When in Rome, do as Romans do"

7 months down the road, I have finally gotten down to completing my first real attempt at putting together a series to "advise" others based on my personal experiences. Looking back at my 3 earlier posts, I have to say that I am pretty pleased with what I have to offer, and I do hope that this final instalment will not disappoint.

Before I get on with it, it might be a good idea for everyone, especially new readers, to review my 3 previous  survival tips, all of which are extremely important:

Tip 1: Building a social circle

Tip 2: Family

Tip 3: The 2 Capital Ps - Patience and Perserverance

Everything happens for a reason. I had almost forgotten about writing this post, but in the past month, Amy Cheong's rant on a Malay wedding on her Facebook page and the consequences she suffered reminded me of this unfinished series and gave me the conviction that I HAVE TO complete it. Amy Cheong was an Australian (born in Malaysia) working in Singapore, very much like my current situation in Thailand. Her rant was, in my opinion, not exactly racist, but extremely rude and disrespectful to the natives in her adopted nation, which ultimately caused her swift downfall. I seriously do not consider her a racist, as she might have done that to any event or anyone on a bad day, but I would say that she got what she rightfully deserved, as we all have to bear the consequences of our own actions.

This brings me to the final and MOST IMPORTANT survival tip, called 入乡随俗 in Chinese and "When in Rome, do as Romans do" in English, though the Chinese version brings out the essence more accurately. Tips 1 to 3, as vital as they are, would mean nothing if you are not prepared to "Do as Romans do".

• RESPECT:
  
  I do not mean that you have to smoke if most locals smoke or become an inefficient worker if the working environment is generally relaxed. The more important aspect of this is RESPECT, respecting the people, culture/s, food, customs, habits of the locals etc. Always remember that you are the odd one out, not them, if anything, they should be the ones expecting you to behave like them.
  
  This is no longer your home-ground  you cannot always win. If you cannot get your head around some of the locals' behaviors or habits, try harder, or maybe find another place to work/live in, because they are not going to change for you. Please do not resort to ranting on your FB page, you know what will happen next.
  
  Try to understand the history and culture of the people to know why they do certain things. I had to take the public bus with my colleague to understand why she had to leave office on the dot everyday. By talking to them, I also knew what I could and could not do/say to locals, as the locals do have their traditions and preferences.
  
  
• CARE ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING AT YOUR DOORSTEP
  
  It's ok to follow world news and keep in touch with what's happening in your home country, but ultimately, Obama or Romney becoming the next US President would not be more important than what's happening right outside your doorstep.
  
  By caring about the news and happenings in the country you live in, no matter how strange it might seem, you will start to feel a sense of involvement and belonging. Celebrate National Day with the locals, avoid the riot locations, be updated on what new rules are regulations are being put into place. It will definitely make your stay a more fruitful one.
  
  
• LANGUAGE:
  
  English is supposed to be the Universal language, but sadly it is not as widely used as we hope it would be. For example, in Thailand, I can reasonably assume that more than 90% of the entire population of 70 million cannot speak English properly. Thai characters, originating from Sanskrit, consist of 44 consonants and up to 28 vowel forms, not forgetting 5 tones, meaning it is infinitely more difficult to master than English, a language I spent half my life learning and can't say to be very good at.
  
  Although I admit I could have spent more effort learning how to read and write Thai, at least I can now speak quite a good bit of basic Thai (I am starting to learn reading too) and usually don't have major problems getting simple ideas across with the locals. If you are content with staying in your luxurious serviced apartment watching cable TV, you will always be dependent on others to do things for you and will never be able to solve you own problems.
  
  
• LEISURE:
  
  You are no longer a tourist. You can't possibly go to the places filled to the brim with foreigners every weekend though you are one. Try to go to spots locals frequent to see and experience the local way of enjoyment. It could be a walk in the park, grilling seafood by the beach or even fishing by the river. Life will never be the same again.

So I have finally come to end of my series. I hope in some way or another, my input would have helped you. Remember, I am a 31 year-old Malaysian who has spent 28 years in Singapore and another 3 in Thailand, in addition to leaving footprints on every continent multiple times, you do the Math. There might not be many other people floating around the globe at my age who can say they are more qualified than me to give a lecture on this topic.

My final sentence to close this off would be to absolutely respect and appreciate what the country you live in has given you, because only when this happens will its people respect you back.

If Eddie can do it, so can you.

Noah Yii's Guide to making your foreign-born child a Malaysian citizen

This is Noah Yii taking over Daddy's blog again. Yeah I know, I am in Singapore with all my folks while poor Daddy is working hard alone in Bangkok. I miss him lots, but let's not go too deep into sentimental issues now, because this is Noah's personal guide to becoming a Malaysian citizen when born outside Malaysia.

Daddy spent 2 long months battling for my citizenship and travel documents. Without going into any tiring details, it will be useful to note that he literally acted as the coordinator between the HQ in Putrajaya (Kuala Lumpur) and the Malaysian High Commission in Bangkok before finally succeeding. He does not want anyone else to go through what he did, so here are some important pointers if any of you happen to deliver a baby outside Malaysia and are patriotic enough to make him/her Malaysian:

1. If you got married outside Malaysia, please go to the Malaysia High Commission there to apply for the Malaysian marriage certificate, preferably right after marriage, because things get more complicated if you make the application after your baby is born.
   
2. Be sure to obtain an official English translation of your baby's local birth certificate and get it endorsed by the country's Ministry of Foreign Affairs.
   
3. Check if the Malaysian High Commission in the country has the ability to make the actual passport for your baby, if not you MUST proceed to apply for a document Borang W (Malaysian birth certificate for citizens born outside Malaysia) WITHIN SIX MONTHS after the birth of your child. This is absolutely crucial because if you miss the deadline, it will be an almost impossible task for you to make him/her a Malaysian in the future.
   
4. At the same time, you should also apply for an Emergency Document which will allow your child to travel back to Malaysia once to apply for the actual passport. The Emergency Document has a validity of 3 months, so you can only apply for it when you have a concrete plan to visit Malaysia. Don't worry, it only takes 3 working days to process.
   
5. The most important advice of all. FOLLOW UP! Do it until the passport in in your hands!

Emergency Document, erhemmmm, this was when I was a few days old and down with jaundice

On a side note, I simply do not understand why passport photos cannot look better. I guess all of you know by now, I am EXTREMELY photogenic.

See what I mean? This was simply a snapshot at a restaurant

However, I end up with horrific pictures on both my travel documents. What's with the boring blue background, serious look, exposed ears and hair not covering the eyes? My hair don't cover my eyes nor ears anyway.

Who can recognize me from this picture?? I am ruined!

I propose that all babies unite to start a movement which will allow us to use our favourite pictures as our passport photos. Since we grow so fast and passports last for years, the overworked Uncles and Aunties at the various customs checkpoints would not be able to recognise us from the baby pictures soon. Wouldn't it be better if the pictures can reflect not our full features (which change at lightning speed), but our actual style and personalities.

Here, I would like to show off my version of the perfect passport.

See? That's the real me!

The customs officers are miserable enough looking at thousands of serious adults daily, it's up to us babies to brighten their day with these cheerful pictures and a bright smile at the counter. If we make their day, I am sure everyone's experience at the airport will be a better one!

PS. The NEW Malaysian Passport photograph now requires the background to be white!

PPS. The above information and advice is accurate up till March 2015, Noah Yii will not be responsible for inaccuracy if there are any changes in the procedure in the future.